My Speech For English Disses Public Speaking Hardcore

Just this past week, I was assigned in my English class to give a speech on whatever topic I wanted. I couldn't think of any normal topics, so I decided to address how unhappy I was about doing the gig in general. Here's the document I read from:

*Greet audience*

Hi, I'm Amelia, and for my speech I'm going to talk about how much public speaking sucks, because... it felt relevant.

First of all, I'd like to point out that for the most part, everyone hates it. I honestly can't think of a single person I know who actually enjoys public speaking, except for my one friend who's really gregarious and actually loves attention, but she's the one exception I can think of. When I got this assignment, I went up to her and told her I had to do this, and she actually said it sounded fun. And maybe it would be for some people, but honestly I have been dreading this speech since the moment I was assigned it. Even with it being weeks in the future, I had brief panic attacks over the past few weeks just envisioning me standing in front of the classroom and talking for 5
minutes straight.

Especially considering that I don't talk that much even casually with my friends. I seriously never have that much to say consecutively unless I'm writing it down and people aren't watching me say it verbally, so this'll be interesting. If it weren't for this paper in front of me, I'd probably be lying dead on the floor right now.

But pretty much 75% of people generally hate public speaking with a burning passion.

Which is a legitimate statistic, actually. I looked it up. So the odds are really good that most of the people in the room have been dreading this speech as well, and are really thankful that it's me talking up here and not them.

I think we've all heard that fact that 'most people would rather die than speak publicly'- I hear it a lot from teachers who are about to make you do a presentation or something, and they just felt like acknowledging their awareness before they torture you anyway. It's really messed up, but it's still really true- If I happened to get in a serious accident before I got up here, I think I would've been completely fine with that. And there's got to be some psychological problem with that.

This fear is, according to Google, called glossophobia, which is basically a fancy name for stage fright. Experts say it's a subset of social phobia, or fear of social situations, which is definitely true of me.

I'm gonna tell a story- The only other time I had to entertain a whole class by myself was freshman year in drama- I honestly have no idea why I took drama if the whole purpose is to entertain people on stage, but the deed is done, I guess. Maybe I thought it would help me be more comfortable in front of people, but, that didn't really work at all. Anyway, so at the end of the year- it may have been for the final, or something- we had to all go up and do stand up comedy. And that may sound pretty standard for a performing arts class, but it was the most mortifying thing I ever had to do in my life. Because not only did you have to stand up on stage solo with a literal spotlight on you, but you had to actually be funny. We were never taught specifically how to be funny. We just went up there, and hoped that the audience would throw us a bone. And obviously, the more popular kids got a lot of laughs simply because they had a lot of friends in the class. So loud people, as usual, had a leg-up with this assignment, just like they do in every presentation at school. But unfortunately, all the awkward dorks with no friends would have to go up there too, and they'd say something ironic, and hope for the best. And as you might have assumed, I'm in that category. ...Somehow, I went up last in the whole class, and impressively, I think I got the least laughs, other than a few pity laughs from Ms. Lopate. The dead silence that followed all my jokes still haunts me...

I think the reason it's so intimidating to stand and talk in front of your peers is because there's so much pressure nowadays to be accepted. It's really stupid, but the main goal in every teenager's life is to just get through school with their reputations reasonably in tact. So getting up in front of the class with everybody looking at you makes you a public spectacle, and their whole opinion of you can be blown out of proportions by something you say, how nervous you look, what you're wearing or how weird your laugh is... It's all just a social game. And I hate playing it. And honestly, do people really ever learn anything from student presentations? Whenever I'm in the audience, I usually just pity the poor kid presenting, and I daydream about a song stuck in my head or something. And whenever I'm the one presenting, like now, I'm basically just panicking and hoping I get a decent grade in the end. Whether you guys learn anything from what I say is immaterial to me. I mean, I see why teachers would say it teaches you to talk to people in group settings and all that jazz, but I think all it's done for me is crippled me with fear.

For this speech, I went to this website about phobias and did a little research, and on the page talking about glossophobia, it had a subheading for complications of the disorder. And basically, it said that despite the fact that a majority of people have stage fright, an overwhelming majority of careers still require some level of public speaking in one form or another. Because life sucks. But if you think about it, it's really true. If you're working at an office, you're bound to be forced to do some kind of presentation, which is why I've made a vow to myself that I would never work at an office, among a million other reasons... But on the same website, it mentions more symptoms of glossophobia, including the irrational fear of just small-talk. Apparently, some people with this fear have the mind-set that life is a performance, and even the thought of socializing with anyone casually sounds terrifying, which sucks because pretty much every job out there involves some kind of communication. This social anxiety often leads to the desire to isolate one's self, which, unfortunately, can lead to depression.

So, what do you do if you have this problem? Do you just sit around at home and live in fear? Well, you can, but a common treatment is called cognitive-behavioral therapy, where you learn relaxation techniques, and gradually confront your fear in a safe and controlled environment. So, I would assume there are clinics somewhere that do this, but I'm not an expert. There's also some various kinds of medications I'm sure you can take, but unfortunately, no matter how awkward or filled with fear you are, teachers and future employers will continue forcing you to be in charge of an audience for the rest of your life, and there's nothing you can do to stop them.

So, on that note- I'm really glad this is over.