Being an INFP

Recently, a friend on Facebook shared a link to a website with the Myers Briggs personality test, (http://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test) and being one who has always adored personality tests, I went "Heck, why not?" and took it. There were 60 questions that I answered patiently, and my result at the end were four letters: INFP. Of course, this being my first encounter with a Myers Briggs test, I had no idea what they meant, but I then proceeded to click on another link that provided me whole articles elaborating on the kind of person I was, and it was the most disturbingly accurate page I had ever read. It was like the makers of that website had been spying on me my whole life and they had been taking intricate notes, only to display for the whole internet to see. Apparently, though, as I came to realize with some more research, I'm not the only person like me. According to the Myers Briggs test, there are only 16 personality types that humans can potentially have, and everyone has them as their foundation for who they are- everything else are just minor differences. Everything I read in the article felt 100% true except for the portions that talked about caring for people more than for myself (it's rather unfortunate that I don't, but I care for myself very little, and I care for others as more of an afterthought because of it) and that INFP's don't have a tendency to get jealous. That's one of my hugest faults: jealousy. Every other detail, though, felt like reading pages of my diary.

 

Because of the eery accuracy of this test, I had become obsessed, and just flat out fascinated by what the results could mean for my development as a human being. See, I'm only 16, and I'll be 17 in less than a month, (I am sixteen, going on seventeen...) so I really do have a whole lot of life ahead of me. If I learn all this about me now, I'll be a total expert by the time I'm older. Well, at least I won't be clueless. For some reason I was always passionately interested in learning more about myself and learning about others. This passion had driven me to push almost everyone I know into taking the test also, and the results were just as mind-bogglingly spot-on.

I told my sister to take it first, because I had just taken it and I was driven with excitement, and she was right in the other room. I sat there patiently on my bed as she sat there, slouched in front of my laptop, clicking away answering questions. I twiddled my thumbs. I just had to know what she got. Sure enough, she was INFJ. She was the same as me, only she wasn't Prospecting, she was Judging. When I first looked into what the letters stood for, I assumed that they meant "judging" the way you would mean it in any other sentence, but actually, they mean "judging" more as someone who has a love of guidelines, routine, and sees deadlines "as sacred". "Prospecting" on the other hand, means more of someone who prefers things to be loosey-goosey, casual, and to get things done on the fly as opposed to doing it after careful planning. After coming to realize this, I had a big mental "Ohhhhhhh!" That was totally me. I hate deadlines, and I never do anything with careful planning. Like, ever. But evidently, my sister does. She was just like me: Introverted, INtuitive and Feeling. The only difference was that she was "judging." I found out later that my mom got exactly the same thing. That made sense. No wonder they get along so well.

My dad took the test with me that same night. He had heard about the test and saw that I was an INFP, so out of curiosity, he took the test. Only he didn't sit at my desk. He sat on my bed and asked me to read them off to him. "Dad, there are 60 questions..." "I know, just read them to me!" So I did. It was actually pretty fun hearing some of his answers. "'You cannot stand chaos.'" I stated. He had to tell me yes or no on a scale between completely agree and completely disagree. "Completely disagree." I laughed out loud. "I bet for you it would be completely on the other side, huh?" he asked with a laugh. "Yeah!" I said. It was true. I cannot STAND chaos.

In the end, though, he got ENFP, which was exactly like me, only he was extroverted. It really made sense. I read the results out loud, watching his reactions. He seemed to agree, and for most of it, so did I. The great part, though, was in the relationship sections that discusses what kind of person ENFP's are in romantic relationships: for an ideal partner, one of the personality types was INFJ, which is what my mom is. My dad sprung up from the bed in excitement to the other room, rejoicing over the sheer perfection of how everything worked out. I chuckled. This was all so fascinating.

With all this in mind, I had come to realize that this kind of thing all somewhat runs in the family. Some of it is what you're raised with, but it's got to be genetic, too, because I have a perfect combination of both my mom and my dad. My sister, on the other hand, is just a carbon copy of my mom, which is more or less true. All this was buzzing around in my head, so I had to send the test to all of my friends.

Of those that actually did take it, my friend from school Natalie got ENFJ, which is so her. I read the description, and it all added up. When she emailed me her results, her words were (and I quote) "Omg Amelia! I'm a ENFJ which apparently is compatible with your INFP! Lol!! ;D" I looked it up; it was true. No wonder we got along so well... Haha!

My best friend Courtney (the one I had written about in "Songs That Link to Beautiful Memories #1 and #2" just recently took the test and scored as an INTP, which was also the same as me, only she Thinks more than she Feels. I read the article urgently, and it actually shocked me a bit. Before she had taken the test, I had suspected that she was be an INFJ, too, because it mentions things about having a desire to do charity work and having strong opinions, which sounded to me like her, but in this article, it identified her to Albert Einstein. It was really impressive, but even to her best friend, it seemed out of character. I had no idea that she had such a scientific mind; our discussions had always been on the touchy-feely side. They were always philosophical, mind you; we don't really like to just small talk. We dig deeper than that. But not once has she ever come across to me as someone with a mind for science. I mean, she has more of a mind for it than me, for sure, seeing as though she's actually passed her science classes while I was daydreaming and barely passing with a D, but honestly, she's much more artistic than that. It mentions here and there that INTP's have a great ability to express themselves creatively, but as far as occupations go, they said they'd be more comfortable in a scientific field. Maybe I'm wrong, but that was NEVER the Courtney I know and love. But maybe there are more layers to her that I'm completely unaware of.

There were tons of celebrities they presented on the website that had supposedly the same personality as you, so naturally, I took a look at them. Some examples for INFP were Johnny Depp, William Shakespeare and Julia Roberts. But with some more research, I stumbled upon http://www.celebritytypes.com/, which showed me that all sorts of awesome people are the same type as me: John Lennon, Audrey Hepburn, Kurt Cobain, Edgar Allen Poe, Virginia Woolf, Thom Yorke, Jim Morrison, Tim Burton, and Vincent Van Gogh, to just name a few. Looking at all these people, I couldn't help but rejoice and praise the lord that I'm not alone. "I knew it!! I'm not a total weirdo!!" I shouted to the heavens. But then again, there's no escaping that one. I'm just born to be an outsider. It's written in my personality type.

Songs That Link to Beautiful Memories #2

Hot Fuss by the Killers

I think this CD reflects every sleepover Courtney and I had since the summer after 5^th grade. It started when we got the amazing video game Rock Band, and Courtney and Ethan would come over nearly every day because Marcie worked for my dad in the workshop. They were the days where we would play Barbies, complain about Ethan or play Rock Band. One day when we were playing Rock Band, we discovered “When You Were Young” by The Killers. I knew I heard that song, before, and I realized I loved it. My dad already knew about The Killers and bought some of their CD’s, like Hot Fuss, which had been burned onto other CD’s and imported onto the computer like crazy. I also heard about the song “All These Things That I’ve Done,” but I only knew the part that went “…I got soul, but I’m not a soldier…” It was on the radio one time when I was coming home from the eye doctor, and my dad turned it up and knew all the words. I thought it was catchy, even though I didn’t really know what it meant. Since the feelings I felt in listening to “When You Were Young,” though, I had to learn more.

My passion for The Killers had gotten way more passionate, and I somehow got a hold of one of the Hot Fuss copies my dad owned. Once I got obsessed with it, Courtney did, too, and we were both listening to the CD nonstop. At sleepovers, we’d always play the same songs over and over again. In retrospect, lots of songs on the CD It didn’t like, like “Andy You’re a Star” and “Jenny Was a Friend of Mine,” and the first song on the CD that I can never remember the title of. But one thing was for sure: I LOVED the songs “Mr. Brightside,” “All These Things That I’ve Done,” “Smile Like You Mean It,” “When You Were Young,” and eventually I liked “Read Your Mind,” “Glamorous Indie Rock and Roll” and “Human.” So, Courtney and I were both official Killers fans, and we would listen to Hot Fuss over and over again, even if there were lots of songs on the CD we didn’t really like. Still, though, it was one of the first bands I had decidedly started liking all by myself, and I was being supported by my best friend.

The passion continued onto to just earlier this year when I saw them live in concert in San Francisco. It was one of the most thrilling and most eventful experiences of my life, and I'm SO glad I did it. I was always so embarrassed telling people that the only concerts I went to were to see Clay Aiken with my mom and American Idol the year that Scotty McCreery won. I don't even like either of them, which is why I was so pained to have only those two concerts define my outlook on live music. My musical tastes goes all over the grid, but I could never be open to Clay Aiken, for some reason, even though my mom had been such a devoted fan for years. I like classic rock mainly, but The Killers is the band that opened the door to the world of alternative music, and I was digging it.

At the end of the concert, they shot down confetti while playing "When You Were Young," one of my all time favorite songs of theirs. In the mix was a red "K" that stood for "Killers," and a lightning bolt that represented their new album "Battle Born." (It's a pretty good album, but personally, I like Hot Fuss better) I decided to pick them up as souvenirs and hang them on my wall. Some memories deserve to be hung up. 

Songs That Link to Beautiful Memories #1

Landslide by Fleetwood Mac

 

     I was probably about 5 or 6. I could’ve been in kindergarten. Whatever age I was, I was too young and naïve to be against anything, nor even know who I was. One thing was for sure, though, at that time- I knew that Courtney was my best friend. Nothing could’ve changed that. She was the only friend I could’ve asked for.

      I still don’t remember what we were planning to do that day. I only have maybe one or two scenes that come to mind whenever I think about it. Whenever the song comes on, I want to cry a little. It was such a beautiful memory, even if I can only remember a tiny snippet of it. I remember my mom and her mom were up front, and we were both in the back. I wasn’t sure if Sophia was there, (my little sister) or which mom was driving, but I know that I was with Courtney, and we were both having a great time. I was old enough to have figured out that she was the best friend I would ever have. I think it was then that I figured that out. That must’ve been why it still rests in my memory. We were driving past Target and Barnes and Nobles- I think we were heading toward her house, because we were driving towards Concord. She was of the age where she cut her hair really short, and she would put them in pig-tails. The windows were open in the back- my long stringy hair was blowing in the wind. It was a new concept for me to have windows that open in the back. I never had that before. The song had come on, and I knew I’ve heard it before, somewhere. I liked the song, already, because I liked every song when I was little. This version wasn’t the original though- I was too little to realize that. It was the Dixie Chicks version. But we still both got really excited when it first came on.

      “I LOVE this song!!” I exclaimed.

      “ME TOO!” Courtney agreed. The wind in our faces, the music and the presence of each other excited our little toddler-selves. The song just fueled the excitement.

      It must have been something about the fact that we both agreed that we liked the song. I didn’t know all the words, but I knew the tune pretty well, so we both started singing it.

      “…children get older, and I’m getting older, too…” I figured out. Our moms laughed at our childish singing, but I genuinely thought it was a great moment in Amelia history. So I thought I’d document it.

      “We should make this our song. This is our friend song.” I decided. Courtney agreed with that, and continued humming.

      “Yeah! It is! From now on.” And it has, ever since. I remember that moment every time I hear it. That time I heard it, I remember a sense of ‘Courtney is my best friend ever. I want her to be my best friend forever. We have so much in common. She’s the closest friend I’ve had a play-date with. I had my first sleepover with her. We both love this song. This is ours.’ That song labeled our relationship as best friends. And it still does, which is what makes me smile and tear up every time I listen to it.

This is a great album, and one of my favorite bands ever.

This is me and Courtney at about this age- I'm the one in the front and Courtney's next

 to me. This was my last day of preschool- one of the best days ever! 

This is us now- we're still best buddies... and a little nuts... I'm the one 

on the left and she's the one on the right. Haha... Beautiful...

Staring At Screens

We all just stare at screens all our lives.
We have nothing to live for except for the comforting fact that we can just go home and unlearn everything about the day.
We're left with just our numb brains involuntarily breathing for us, our hearts slowly beating to the rythm of a screen's pretty flashing lights.
With our screens off, our music silenced, the universe is suddenly dull.
People are more difficult to deal with than before, for we all suddenly need entertainment from each other.
Too bored, too tired of it all, we all pile into bed, and plug into more electronics so we can function as humans again.
iPods, laptops, TV's, phones- all on, seeming to smile at us and say "It's alright. I'll distract you from trouble. You'll be alright with me in your presence."
Once our eyes and bodies can no longer bear the flashing lights and constant distractions, we reluctantly turn off our friends, longing for the next moment to turn them on again.
In the morning, we drink our coffees, a substance mankind can no longer live without, and turn on our cell phones.
Someone surely must have messaged us while we were asleep.
Our hearts beat excitedly as our devices reawaken and see us again.
It's been so long.
Alas, no one has messaged us yet, but you can never be too sure.
We set it in the cup-holder in the car, right beside our leg and our coffee in our plastic Starbucks mug.
We drive to work in our nice cars, blasting on the heater as it's too cold outside, and listen to the latest hits we're told to adore.
We yell at the car in front of us that's going slightly slower than we would desire, without forgiving them once they speed up.
We drive into our parking spot, glancing at our phones, sipping at our coffee, frustrated we're almost out.
We'll get more once we're inside.
There's Sheryl. We hate Sheryl. She isn't like you. She doesn't follow the rules.
We turn on our screens and work. We need to sit in our office chairs and sip our coffee, staring at screens, so we can get the money to afford to do it all over again.
Society.
Mankind.
People wonder why I don't watch TV anymore.
Even I am a victim to screens.
You cannot escape.
I want to go far away from this system.
From this world.
Away from the cement, the screens, the coffee; all of these addictive substances and attitudes.
Solitary I must remain.
I mustn't become like them.
I cannot love the things of this world no matter how hard I try.
The only things I enjoy involve romance.
Can someone as decisively odd as me have a romance?
Can someone who stares at a screen all day have a better relationship with a person than with their screen?